Hi again:

A popular saying we have is that some people 'live in a movie.'  It has been a full week now. And one more day. And throughout this time, I have this very weird feeling that I am living in a movie. As if I had been sucked up into the TV (which is where I seem to see most of the movies I get to see). What was that lovely flick … "Pleasantville" I think? But it described living a pleasant movie. That's what happens when Hollywood plans things. Reality is not that nice -- We are amidst a very real horror film. In Haifa we were up and down to the shelter some 8 times today if I could keep my counting correct. We heard at least three very powerful booms. And we heard of two people killed. One lived next door to a friend. Her house was shattered but she is physically OK. Two other friends who live in the same neighborhood told me – when I called – that there is no reason to worry -- it was a block away from their house. In Hebrew the expression is "the next street over." Rational me says that really isn't that far. Emotional me says this is how people cope with the movie through which we are living: They separate themselves from it: "It is the next street over. Clearly not my own street." "Definitely not a real risk to me" as Dustin Hoffman says in Rain Man.

Technion formally went back to work today. That meant I spent most of the day trying to figure out what to do with classes and exams that MBA students have missed. The solution to this dilemma did not become too easy with the falling of the missile but a few blocks from the Technion around noon. Even though it was a few blocks away ("in the next street over") it was very clearly close by. Students have no desire to be close to this location. Nor do teachers. Taking of classes and exams is not THAT attractive. Somehow safety is more important. So we are spending our time trying to find some creative solutions, like take home exams or papers instead of exams. Trying to retain high academic standards is becoming a real challenge.

Three observations I had during the day:

1. Maslow had it wrong. A couple of times we had sirens blow off when someone was in the bathroom or in the shower. You’d think that person would run out and down the shelter. We're talking basic needs and life in danger. Clothes dirty from shit or shower, or even being seen naked should pale in comparison. But repeatedly whoever it is – Sheizaf, Agam, Ofek, Sella or me – we all dress first and then run to the shelter. Modesty over safety? How does that converge with Maslow's hierarchy?

2. Routines are extremely important for emotional sanity. I described to you our siren routine: "Collect everyone in the house, get the cellular phones, run to the shelter, play a game of cards, wait for the boom and the airplanes, call whoever is not with us and Sheizaf's dad, go upstairs." Or something like that. (BTW I am leading the crowd in the Yaniv game – no one in my family understands this as usually I am too distracted when we play cards. I think it is because in the shelter there is simply nothing else I can do. No dishes to wash or laundry to fold. Only cards to play. So I finally focus on the game). Anyway, a couple of times today I was on the phone while a siren went off. I could go on talking while in the shelter. But this violated the routine. We could not play our game of cards. And could not listen for the boom and the planes. I just could not do it! I had to have that game of cards to calm myself down. And had to call the people I spoke to back after the routine was over. Order has to be maintained. (Nira you are right to get Tal back into his routines!!)

3. For about a week there was something comforting about not having to go to work. This was very confusing – how sick can you get Anat, to feel comfort with sirens and running to the shelter? I think I have figured it out: As a mother I always find the summer to pose the most difficult role conflict – kids are home from school and I have to go to work. I have always wanted to just hang around with them. The past week I only played mom, so this one element of role conflict was removed – no need to deal with leaving kids behind at home. What a relief. (I should say this lasted for about a week. I am more than ready for some quality work time).

I certainly deserve the "women cannot do only one thing at a time award" or perhaps better phrased as "women are crazy" award. Ofek (age 12) was restless and asked if I would go jogging with him. I am not much of a jogger so suggested that I bike while he jogged. As we were heading out I said "let's take the dog with us. She has not been out for a week." Now we were three – mom, boy and dog. And one bike. We jogged and biked for 10 minutes and reached the local hardware store. Which amazingly was open. I recalled that I need a new hose for my garden, and a lamp so we can play ping pong at night. Out of the hardware store we came one mom, one boy, one dog, one bike, one garden hose, one large lamp. By now we are close to my mother's old age home. She has also not been out for 4 days because her personal care giver is too frightened to come. Which makes me feel bad for her. So we stop over there, and I give Ofek the bike so I can push her in the wheelchair out of the home and down the street. Mom, boy, dog, bike, garden hose, large lamp, 85 year old confused and disoriented grandma in wheel chair walk down Moriyah Street during a war pondering when the next siren will go off. What a sight this must have been!

We made it to the ice cream store and bought mom, boy and grandma some ice cream. Then we heard a HUGE boom and then the siren went off. As I said above – this literally feels like we are living in or through a movie. But at least we are in a building where there is a safe shelter. 5 minutes earlier the whole crew would have been on Moriyah St, with a wheelchair to push. I am happy to report that we made it back safely – dropped grandma off at her club (as we prefer to call it), jogged and biked back home. Someone up in Hezbollah does like us - We were home for 5 minutes or so before the next siren went off. A siren 10 minutes earlier would have been pretty scary. Moral of the story that I SHOULD learn: A woman can go out JUST to jog or bike. Do your shopping and take out grandma some other time. Frankly, I am not sure I can ever learn this. Is there any way I could get through all the goals I set to myself if I did just one thing at a time?

Tomorrow we (Sheizaf, Agam, Ofek and I ) head south again for the day. I have a strong sense of claustrophobia, and a need for some change. Beautiful as our house may be, it can drive one insane to know that you cannot leave it. I did leave a few times, but each time was accompanied by great fear. We are planning a bike trip through Park Hayarkon and the Tel Aviv Port area. What were we saying about things being surreal?

I have also had to sort through all sorts of invitations we have received from friends and family in Tel Aviv, J-M, Beer Sheva to come and stay over. So far we have not accepted any of them. I think in part this is selfishness: Being visitors is just not that convenient. But there is something else: Somehow we have felt an obligation to keep the city of Haifa alive. Precisely by walking down Moriyah St., buying groceries, a garden hose and ice cream. That we were the only customers around made this a more important role. So we'll probably be back tomorrow evening. Perhaps the day after (Tuesday), we'll go to some friends and family in J-m and stay overnight. We were supposed to be in Barcelona this week – so a few days in J-m seem perfectly legitimate.

I have heard back from some but not all of you. Are you managing to get any work done? I assume that Take Home exam for the Emotions class is polished and ready to be handed in? I miss you all so much … I look forward to another good research team meeting soon.

Anat